Melvin Ram

this last week was quiet a rollercoaster… lots of highs n lows… completed papers… saw final episode of Friends… finally finished my blog on Top of Mind Awareness … finished some client projects… customized my myspace… copied my music from my old hard drive to my new laptop (Sony FJ Series) etc etc…

today I got an email from Tony Robbins… most may know him from Shallow Hal… he’s the guy in the elevator that hypnotizes Jack Black… In real life, he’s a motivation speaker and his teachings have helped millions… I haven’t completely utilized his CD set that I bought but it’s definitely influenced me dramatically in how I think and act…

anyway, I got an email from today (get one bout once a month… he’s got the TOMA thing down ) and it had a link to his site that had an audio message from him… it said something bout thinking over the year and making a note of all the magical moments that have made this year a memorable year…

it reminded me of a few weeks ago wen an old friend (same one who pissed me off) and I went to watch Rent… it starts off with a song… ‘how do you measure a year’ I think … we ended up leaving after the first 5 minutes once we realized it was a musical… after dat we snuck into Walk the Line… it’s bout Johnny Cash (gud movie as far as I saw…)

While we were sittin in the movie, I started thinking bout the “how do you measure a year” song n dat i cud watch this movie pretty much weneva… but I probably won’t be free or she won’t be free or wateva… n time to hang out, connect, laugh n have a gud time is truly limited in a year… so I asked if she wanted to leave… n she said sure (she thought I didn’t like the movie)… so we got out of the theater, got in her car n drove close wer I was parked (arden mall parking lot) n just kick’d it in her car (cuz der was no other cars around at dat hour)… we just caught up on things… goofed around… etc etc… it was fun…

I guess that’s how I measure my year… in good times… with true friends n family…

I’ve been workin hard… Just not as hard as this little guy 

kewl poem I saw on a bulletin board…

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.

And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.

And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.

“Tomorrow” I say! “I will call on Jim
Just to show that I’m thinking of him.”
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.

Around the corner, yet miles away,
“Here’s a telegram sir,” “Jim died today.”
And that’s what we get and deserve in the end.

Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.

Don’t be afraid to express yourself.
Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you.
Because when you decide that it is the right time
it might be too late.

Seize the day. Never have regrets.
And most importantly, stay close to your friends
and family, for they have helped
make you the person that you are today.

I finally saw the final episode of Friends today… crazy when u consider that I watch the reruns all the time n used to watch the show religiously… neway… it was incredible… a bit unreal though for my expectations based my current experience…

someone had told me that Rachael ends up taking off to somewhere else… leaving Ross. With the risk of sounding bitter or cynical, I’ve gotta say that would have been realistic… but it’s not we wanted to see… we wanted to see Ross and Rachael together… must say it did truely grab me wen Rachael said “I got off the plane”…

In the past six months, I’ve dated a lot of women… in a sense, it’s been a process of elimination… I guess I’m going through all the women in the world until I find the one who is for me… the one who would get off the plane… the one I could truly love… the one who would truly love me…

I’ve really fallen in love only once… don’t know if I’ll ever feel so strongly bout any one… so the question arises: if I don’t feel as strongly bout someone, is it worth feelin anything at all? may I’m weird for asking this… maybe everyone asks… I don’t know…

what I do know is, i’m still lookin for my Rachael, without hope of finding her… because she probably doesn’t exist… or does she?

MySpace Comments

MONICA

Hey Mel… as usual I enjoy reading your blogs…In my opinion yes a Rachael does exist for you. We all have our guards up after being hurt, but eventually that special person will come along and assure you that there is life after a broken heart. I used to think to myself that I would never love anyone as much as I loved my ex, but the reality is that Im capable of loving even more… so with that Im hopeful that I will meet “The One” eventually. I do think it is worth feeling something because you never know, eventually maybe you will feel something more. Im always being told that I should keep my options open cuz you never know when Mr. Right will appear. Like Ive said before… its easy to meet people, but finding “The One” seems like the impossible task… BUT IM STILL HOPEFUL…

Posted by MONICA on Friday, December 02, 2005 at 10:54 AM

You may have heard the phrase “Out of Sight, Out of Mind”… Out of mind is the opposite of top of mind. Being top of mind is bout becoming the first thing to come to someone’s mind when they feel/need something. It can be incredibly powerful when it comes to attracting/seducing someone & building/sustaining relationships… but it can also be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS…

If you gain TOMA for the wrong association, you’re screwed. Ever know someone who has experienced the “friend-zone”? 80f all guys know exactly what I’m talking bout… I have personally fallen into this black-hole twice… and once you’re labeled in you’re targets mind as “just a friend” without the fine-print of a potential romance-partner, it takes some serious skill and “game” to get things back on the right track (I might offer suggestions in future blogs)… this usually happens when you don’t understand TOMA and it’s why I’m writing this blog to tell you all bout it.

TOMA can be broken down into three parts:

1. Awareness of your existence and your impact on their life
2. Appropriateness of how they see you &
3. Intensity of the positive/negative energy

Today I’m going to talk only bout awareness because that in itself is a GIANTIC topic. The other two are topics for future blogs…
Awareness

I met a girl named Susan (named changed to protect the innocent) last week Sunday at Borders in Natomas. Before Sunday, she didn’t know a guy named “Mel” was alive. Her awareness of Mel’s existence and Mel’s impact on her life was 0. After having a very interesting conversation with her for bout an hour n half, I excused myself. Her awareness of “Mel” was probably at 8.5 or so at that point. How do I know? She asked to exchange numbers and made me promise I would call her.

The next morning, her awareness of “Mel” was probably around 5 or so. Why? Because mother nature did us a favor by giving us a natural memory eraser… the scientific term for it is “SLEEP.” Yep, sleeping erases your memory. I’m a neuroscience genius… take my word for it …

And since we live in a world that moves 90mph and millions of “shiny things” trying to grab our attention such as commercials, friendsills, hotties of your preferred sex, her awareness of “Mel” probably dropped down to a 2 or 3 within a few days. What do you suppose was my natural next step?

Yep, I called her just like I promised.

While on the phone, her awareness level rose to 9 or 10… and then probably dropped down to a 7 or 6 after we hung up. Awareness is very organic… it rises and falls continuously. If I disappear out of her life and don’t call her, I will eventually drop out of her mind.

Increasing Awareness…

Each touch-point is a chance to increase the other people’s awareness of your existence and your impact on their life.

Sometimes it’s a matter of making someone laugh when they are completely down and they start to see how much they love having you in their life. Sometimes it’s sending them a text message in the morning so they wake up to something funny or lovey-dovey and smile. Sometimes it’s giving them the chance to support you (maybe when you’re down emotionally or maybe when you’re drunk )… and letting them see that you need them and them realizing how much they love being needed by you.

Sometimes random acts of kindness such as calling in the middle of the day and saying “hey… I love you… gotta run to my next class/meeting… ttyl” may leave you at the top of her mind for the next 15 mins or even longer. “He called me yesterday and left me this really sweet voicemail” she might tell her friends… and if they are talking bout you, awareness is high.

To build a real relationship, you will need to observe your target, listen to them & find things they need at their core… Maybe they just want to be a kid… maybe they want to explore… etc. After chatting with them and identifying who they are and what they need… you can start to fill that need. But filling that need is not enough. They need to be aware that you are filling that need.

Why do you think we don’t appreciate things until they are gone? It’s because we are not aware of it really means to us when they are here. So give people time to miss you… ask for things in return at times… make them come half way… etc etc.

Awareness is a huge part of TOMA. Put simply, it all boils down constantly increasing “their” awareness of your presence and their awareness of your impact on their life. If you’ve got awareness in their mind, you’re more than half way there.

Anyway, take what you will… just my prospective…

PS: This blog has taken way too much of my time so don’t except ne blogging for at least a couples weeks.

MySpace Comments

Ur -E-vi-L

I completely agree with what Mel has to say on the topic of awareness. I think it doesn’t apply to just romantic relationships, but to family and friends as well.

Being away from home, away from family and old friends, is tough, and keeping in touch is the best way to keep people aware of your existence.

I must admit, I must be the worst example of a person who keeps in touch. Apart from my parents, and one or two of my friends, I’m sure the rest of my cousins, aunts and uncles, rarely think of me. This is none of their fault…it is all mine! If I were to keep in touch, and email or call them once in a while, I would keep their awareness up atleast more than 5…instead of the 0, 1 or 2 that it might be at now.

So this awareness thing is very important, and should be applied to all relationships…it will leave you with no regrets

Posted by Ur -E-vi-L on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 at 10:55 AM

Jen

Wow!! it’s long. You know how I am. To some extent I agree with you. lol.. Dang you got a lot out of that book huh. lol jp.

Posted by Jen on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 at 11:18 AM

Mel

hey it’s bout 1/3 of its original size lol

Posted by Mel on Wednesday, November 30, 2005 at 11:22 AM

For those who have been waiting for the other blog post to be completed, it’s on it’s way… but first i gotta write bout this dude i met today n the conversation i had wit him…

He’s an acquaintance… i play video games in the arcades from time to time to kill time wen i’m waitin for someone n we see each other there… well today i ran into him at starbucks where i was workin on the other blog post… we got talkin (of course we’ll get talkin, it’s me we’re talkin bout) n he tells me that he’s getting married in Feb… now it just makes me happy to see others happy… so start askin a few questions to figure out why he thinks she’s the one cuz… well maybe someday it may help me figure out who’s the right one for me… neway… so i find out dat the girl is only 18. Yes 18.

So we talk bout things n i cudnt help but warn him that she is probably going to be going thru lots n lots of changes… in a sense, i don’t think she know’s herself yet n she’ll still be findin out who she is for atleast the next two years… her priorities will change… her values willl change… her entire outlook on life may change in the next few years…

so this is where i want to ask you all:
- if you think i did the right thing by making him rethink his marriage?
- when do men n women go thru their major changes mentally in terms “finding themselves”?

i understand people evolve on a daily basis but i have a feeling that there are particular periods of time where people seem to grow a lot or find-out/decide who they really are…

Comments From MySpace

Senorita

Hi Mel,

I think you did the right thing.
Personally, I see soooo many changes in myself. I was sooo much different when was 18 till I was 21 I think, and then a lot changed for me. What you say is exactly right I think; people’s priorities and their outlook on life can change drastically, especially from the ages of 18 to 21 or 22…and I’m quite sure they continue changing.

I hope your info helps this guy.
Sharing your honest opinion always helps =)

Posted by Senorita on Tuesday, November 29, 2005 at 12:11 PM

As most of you know (or will soon know) I am DEEEEP into marketing… Some enjoy technology, some love chemistry/science, others love making music. I love marketing. Why?Because marketing determines the future. I’ll demonstrate in a bit but first, let’s discuss what is marketing.

Marketing is persuasion. It’s everything that influences people to do things. From that sexy dress you wore to giving away free software like Google quite often does to putting up a billboard ad to that seductive look you give that woman across the room to charging an obscene amount for a cup of coffee like Starbucks does.

So a buddy of mine and I were out for coffee today and we got talking about various things… and eventually ended up talking about his ex-girlfriend… and so I started thinking of how so many marketing concepts apply to relationships/seduction/attracting that special someone.

So that’s what this blog post and many others in the future will be about. What I talk about will obviously be biased so take em as you will. Discussions and debates are welcome. Just don’t bitch at me.

WARNING: Hate Mail will be replied with Extreme Hate Mail

Today’s topic: TOMA short for Top of Mind Awareness

You may have heard the phrase “Out of Sight, Out of Mind”… Out of mind is the opposite of Top of Mind. In marketing, you want to achieve a very high level of…

Okay you know what, I’ve got some people waiting for me right now… I thought I’d get this done quickly but I underestimated the time it wud take… so I can’t write any more today… but stay tuned. You may even see the light, get pissed-off, giggle or print out 10 copies and spread it around the office lol only half kidding on those

Ps: I do have a life so be patient

MySpace Comments

Senorita

U men are all alike…. u started up this interesting blog and then left half away right when u had the reader hooked. why is that men tend to start this really great thing but the minute they know they got you they decide to leave you hanging just like that…. i know i know u gonna have some smart comment saying you have a life well if u have a life why did u start this blog in the first place. why should the reader who is hooked have to wait for YOU to be done with watever u are doing just cuz YOU underestimated the time it would take you…. again this blog represents a lot of guys out there…. they always start off so strong trying to get your attention the minute they have all you attention they just decide to leave you hanging cuz they underestimated how much time and commitment it would take… WELL EXCUSE ME FOR BEING BITTER BETTY BUT DONT START SOMETHING YOU KNOW YOU NOT GONNA BE ABLE TO FINISH. cuz thats just inconsiderate.

Posted by Senorita on Friday, November 25, 2005 at 8:27 PM

GRRRRrrrr…. why do some people have to be a bitch right after being nice… puts you in a freaken delima… should you be pissed off at this SOB, set em straight n ruin the entire mood of the evening or over-look things for the sake of all the gud things they have done and in a sense make a compromise (COMPROMISES I HATE EXTREMELY)

Can’t they freaken just be nice and not add that hint of bitchiness at the tail… so that you can just truely appreciate their dumbass n enjoy the moment. Grrr…

Anyway, i haven’t been bloggin much but i’m going to start doin it more… so i can think/rant out loud more… if u like readin dem, leave comments please… if u don’t like readin em, f&&* off

MySpace Comments

Senorita			Specking for myself only when im nice but add a hint of bitchness means im actually pissed off about something but i really dont want to ruin this moment cuz of it. I CANT HELP BUT BE A BITCH CUZ U ARE STUPID ENOUGH NOT TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO WRONG. AS YOU SIT THERE LOOKING ALL INNOCENT AND TRY TO BE SO DAMN NICE JUST PISSES ME OFF EVEN MRE……….. sorry but it has happened to me before… and i dont wanna go on forever on ur blog about my feelings hehehe………….. so who pissed u off?????? i didnt know that was possible!!!!! better be pissed off than being pissed on Posted by Senorita on Wednesday, November 23, 2005 at 9:14 PM

Mel

lol, u funny  i was pissed at a someone i was goin to hang out wit yesterday… wat i ended up doin was: i still went out wit her… we ended up having a great time and at the highest point of the nite, i told her how much she had PISSED me off wit her comment earlier… since we wer both laugh rite before i brought it up, i was a lot less pissed bout it n she was a lot more understanding… plus it didnt seem that big of a deal ne mo to me n we laugh even mo… it all ended up alrite… Posted by Mel on Thursday, November 24, 2005 at 11:19 AM